GainesvilleMoms.com

New study says "no". Read the article and tell us what you think

http://www.newsweek.com/id/143792?GT1=43002

I would agree with some of what the study says -- only because when you have kids you begin to put yourself second to their needs and wants. Of course that can be hard on a mom and dad and their relationship. Time alone or with your spouse gets cut short in exchange for family time, grocery shopping, doctors appointments, etc.

Saying that, I wouldn't give up my kids for the world. The love I have for them and they love they show to me are worth all the heartaches, annoyances and lack of sleep I suffer.

My first thought was that the definition of happiness changes after you have kids. YES, a lot of things change and there is more stress, but there is also a deep satisfaction that nothing else can give you. So maybe it's a little like apples and oranges? I was happy before kids, enjoying all that freedom, but I wouldn't trade what I have now for anything.

It is true, you give up so much when you become a parent...a clean house, a quiet mind, a good night's sleep, spontaneity, cash flow, many freedoms you had before, the list goes on and on. And that is why parenthood should be a long-thought-out, well-planned decision. And that is why it is better for some people to say, "eh, not for me" than to cave in to societal or family or peer pressure and have kids that the parents later consider a "burden". Two friends of mine are now really regretting their decisions to become parents, especially at a young ages, and the families are now absolutely torn apart. It breaks my heart, mostly for the kids.

But for me personally, I would not take any other wish come true for the joy of seeing my boys' faces light up when they see me, and hearing their voices calling me "Mamma", and the feel of their soft little hands holding mine. The list of joys and happiness they bring me is immeasureable.

But hey, to each their own....

I am happier..w/o a doubt! Yes I have stress, exhaustion and guilt issues (I have to say I was not prepared for the guilt issues). I have worries and concerns now that I never really dwelled on too much BK (before kids). However, I have more joy & love than I knew was humanly possible. This kind of joy is much more long lasting and spiritually rewarding than any fancy dinner, extravagant vacation and Sunday afternoon reading a good book. I also find (did not really know what it was until I had kids) that I have more hope. I think that hope keeps us a alive. You know that feeling that something really good could happen just around the corner? I think if I had to boil it down to one simple thing..my kids have given me hope. I have hope that they will grow up fabulous, hope that they fulfill all of their dreams, hope that they all come piling back home on the holidays for lovely family dinners/vacations, hope that I will be dancing/weeping at weddings, holding little grandbabies etc. What would I have w/o that hope of so many great things just around the corner? I am a sap, I admit it .

It is all in how you see things, just as the article concludes. It was a very interesting read For me, I have had days of guilt and days in which I enjoy my kids less than normal. But I love them with all my heart, and as most moms, I am biased towards my children.
They not only give me hope, they give me strength, endurance, a future and stability. It was knowing they depend upon me that gave me the strength to get through a divorce, it was knowing that I am the only constant person in their lives that gave me the endurance to keep moving forward and it is their love and innocence that give me hope for them, myself and the future.
My children as amazing and it is them that gives me more happiness and satisfaction just to see them enjoy their life and develop into their own person.

Happier, yes.

more tired, worn out, sure!

But being a parent brings your life to a whole new level, so it seems unfair to bring up the 'not so up side' everyday life stuff to somehow prove us less happy. It's like comparing apples to oranges. your yesterday to your today.

I say... when it gets better (having kids/a family) of course it needs to balance out with some extra challenges in life (more clean up time, less sleep time, etc etc).

The great thing about kids is 'it's all a phase' LOL

I really agree with the many of you that mentioned unexpected feelings of guilt. Before I had my daughter, I never imagined I would have such feelings. Now, I feel guilty if I'm not spending every spare moment I have interacting with her. Don't get me wrong. I REALLY LOVE being with my daughter. She is such a fun-loving, silly and joyful little girl. But I wish I didn't feel so bad leaving her at preschool an extra half-hour once in a while.

I am always guilty about everything! If they do not eat a balanced (4 food group meal) each day, watch more than an hour of tv, I am doing dishes and should be spending time w/ them etc...One mom on this site mentioned she has gotton her toddler into chores. I have been doing that too and now I can get cleaning/cooking done and they help and LOVE it! I feel less guilt about not focusing on them and they are learning and helping-

That's a great suggestion. I know my daughter already loves to help me in the kitchen and with laundry. I should try getting her involved in more. I guess time together is time together no matter what you're doing. Thanks!