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Oh mercy yes, this is a major burr up my butt with parents who let their kids roam around unchecked. We have met the parents of Macy's friend and while they seem friendly, they have never questioned their daughter coming over or how long she stays. The most either of them has done is the Dad helped us repair a few boards in our bedroom floor and Mom has walked maybe three steps inside the entry and stood there waiting on her daughter to pick up toys and come home. I get email updates when registered (key word) sex offenders move within a 1 mile radius of our house and the number is STAGGERING. And as an investigator for the Sheriff's dept put it, "those are just the ones who actually register" which does not help my comfort level.

Back in 'the day' this might have been okay, but now - no way!!

[QUOTE]Originally posted by michelle v:
I get email updates when registered (key word) sex offenders move within a 1 mile radius of our house and the number is STAGGERING. And as an investigator for the Sheriff's dept put it, "those are just the ones who actually register" which does not help my comfort level.


Keyword exactly...the ones not registered have either been A) smart enough to evade the system or B) smart enough to not have gotten caught yet. With my hubby in law enforcement I tend to look at everyone with the potential of doing my children harm. I know that is a sad outlook to have but it just worries me to no end. These people...men and women alike...are crafty and are practiced at making parents, and our children, feel comfortable around them. I looked online and there are 11 registered offenders within 10 miles of my home!

Another hint to all of you...when you go into the home of your childs new friend...ask to use the bathroom. This gives you more insight in the home and hopefully a chance to peek into a couple of rooms. You never know what you will find...look for drugs and/or paraphenalia...just get a general feel for the home...look for video equipment(I know lots of people have cameras and such but usually they are not just laying around out in the open and if you see a tripod sitting set up thats definetly a red flag)..if you see something suspicious..ask about it, this is your child so don't worry about offending someone. If they have nothing to hide they will understand. If they do have something to hide they may give you a satisfactory answer but in the process of inquiring you may have put enough fear in them that your child just became off limits to them! I know this all sounds invasive but you just cannot be too careful these days.

[QUOTE]Originally posted by klmorg:
[ I looked online and there are 11 registered offenders within 10 miles of my home!

According to our offender registy, there are 18 living within ONE mile radius of our house! (keep in mind that 1/4 mile to our west is the gulf of Mexico so that direction is fairly safe) And within that one mile, give or take a third of a mile to the east, there are 6 daycare/preschool or elementary/montessori schools all surrounded by those same people. I was also told that unless the status of the offender is "supervised" all they have to do is register their address - no one checks on them, no monitoring, no checks in the area and they can live as close to kids as they want to. Nice.

Its terrifying, isnt it? And while it may seem like the authorities don't do enough to protect our kids, keep in mind that there such a staggeringly high number of sex offenders in our society that it would take our entire police force working full time to adequately supervise them.

The only thing we can do as parents is to assume no one is looking out for our kids, and act as the first, last, and only line of defense against these predators and offenders.

I really don't want to come across sounding over-protective, because in most ways I am not. I like to let my girls explore on their own, make choices, and solve problems on their own. But THIS is a problem that no child should ever have to deal with. So they do not go outside unattended, and they are not allowed to run free through stores. I myself had a bad experience as a child, and I'll be damned (pardon my language) if I will ever put my kids in a position where they can get hurt or abused.

About this issue WE CANNOT BE TOO CAREFUL! Protect your kids from strangers... and make sure the people you trust are not really strangers in disguise. Because they are out there, too. For all the sex offenders we know of, there are hundreds of thousands of them out there who have yet to be caught.

I visited my mom this summer. She lived in an apt complex in WInter Haven. I saw little bitty kids, probably 2, running around on their own all over the place and there were huge retention ponds everywhere. All of those kids just run in and out of the apartments playing with each other. When they saw Savannah, they were going in and out of my mom's apt. I finally stopped one of them and said, "And this is okay with your mom?" She pulls out a walkie talkie and said if she gets into any trouble, she's to call her mom. I said, "Oh yeah. what apt # are you in?" She had no idea so if she had wondered into a bad person's apt, there would be no way her mom could have found her in time.

This is one instance where I don't feel bad about scaring my kids (well this and Halloween, but that's fun). H got away from me in a parking lot once while I was putting the baby in the van. When I found her (we spent what seemed like forever walking around the van) I told her that I was so scared that someone would take her away from me. And to this day we talk about strangers and how they will take her away from me and daddy.

Keep us posted Michelle. I'm curious to know what their explanation is.

That's a good point, Caryn. We do have to tell our children about strangers, but my question is how? What is the best way to teach your child about strangers? I want my daughter to know how to be safe, but I don't want her to be constantly afraid. I mean, she should be afraid, but I don't want her to be overly full of fear. Does any of that make sense?

Stacy my daughter is 3, she will be 4 in January, and I just recently had to have a conversation with her about safety. I didn't really tell her anything to make her afraid. I just told her that there are some people in the world that aren't nice. She was more concerned about why someone would not be nice than she was worried about someone 'not nice' effecting her. The conversation came about because we were at a restaurant and a lady at the table near us gave my daughter a piece of candy and after my daughter took it from her I told her I would keep it in my purse until later, ( I didn't want to have the conversation start with the lady only a few feet away). Later on when my daughter asked me for it I had to explain why I wasn't going to let her have it. It is tough to explain it to them. She asked me questions like 'how many mean people are there', and 'why didn't her daddy (who is in law enforcement) just tell them all to be nice'. She also said that the lady that gave her the candy was nice, so then I had to explain to her how someone can act nice on the outside but really not be nice and until we know for sure they are nice that we cannot accept things from them. Such innocence is why children are especially vulnerable to predators. I told her that there are allot of nice people too. We talked more throughout the day about how it is important to stay close to Mommy or Daddy and to listen to what we say. I have to admit I don't like the idea of our kids learning the ugly parts of this world but the thought of them getting hurt is even more terrifying so a little fear and apprehension of strangers is better than a missing or abducted child.

Well since a couple of you asked me to let you know how it played out - I am not sure this is an answer but its all I have! Today the daughter rings our bell to play and of course I welcomed her, no mention of last week. I did ask to be sure Mom or Dad knew she was here. I don't think she was here a full 45 minutes when I hear her Dad out in my backyard yelling for her to come home - ?? I went out to unlock the patio door (they were in the sandbox) so she didn't have to go around and she took off like a shot. I said Hi to her Dad and asked if he had a minute to talk about last week and his only response was to walk away. He did throw a "see ya later" over his shoulder but that was it. So I guess I shouldn't press the issue as obviously it doesn't matter ?!?! Help!!

That is really sad! I think at this point I would drop it unless the Dad brings it up again. Then decide if you want her to continue coming over or not.

Karen - Thanks for the advice. Isn't it ashame we even have to tell our sweet, innocent children about such people.

And Michelle - I am so sorry you are dealing with such an uncaring and uninvolved dad. You are such an awesome parent for trying so hard to help this little girl, but it looks like the family just doesn't want to hear about anything.

Since my story sounds like my kids live in fear of strangers....They do not. They are in fact very friendly and respond when spoken to and are polite (for the most part). My point was that I did not sugar coat the possible consequences like we as parents tend to do for other bad things. (Fluffy didn't die, he went to Cat Heaven) I felt like she needed the real truth, not the Tooth Fairy truth. And we're cool with that. So now anytime we go somewhere where there will be large amounts of people and the kids are not restrained to the shopping cart, we always remind them that they shouldn't talk or go with strangers because we don't want them to live with someone else. I guess I do leave out the really bad stuff that could come along, for now, the fear of not having us seems to be enough.

I agree with Casmly, Michelle...probably the girl told them something happened and they aren't interested in your side.

So it took them 45 mins to say, "hmmm... where's my daughter? Oh no, I bet she's at the neighbor's where I don't want her to be cause it is easier that way than to deal with the issue of my child's lying and my bad parenting skills." Tisk, tisk on their part. And then he is going to act ugly to you .... I'd be steaming mad!

I am trying to learn to pick my battles and since this one is only "my" battle in my house, I guess I have to let it go and deal with it on a case by case basis. I know I didn't do anything wrong (thanks to all of you who reassured me!) and I could either let it bother me that her parents have their own, admittedly odd, way of parenting or I can simply do my best to keep a rein on my own kids and their friends will hopefully benefit from that too. I am trying hard not to judge his behavior or him as a person, but there are other things I can see as behaviors that cause me to really keep my eyes open. Not that their daughter is being harmed, I would not be quiet about that for a second, but she is being shoved aside and while that sucks, I can't be the one to fix it. Thanks again to everyone who had advice and insight, doing this for the first time is harder than it looks!! LOL