But I am not going to feel guilty for the truth. The truth is that these days, my almost-2-year-old is driving me crazy, to the point of where on some days (many days, recently) I do not even like to be around him! He is whiny and cranky and screams and throws himself on the floor and throws his food and I could go on and on. It HAS gotten way worse since the baby has come home.

I have started taking him on long walks and he really likes those, but when we are home...forget it. Thing is, lately we have had to be home a lot. Bottom line...help! Any advice for a cranky 2-year-old? And a cranky mom? LOL.

My son was 7 when my daughter came home so he was pretty excited and helpful...However, when he younger he had viral meningitis which damaged a lot!!! He couldn't hear and he couldnt talk and he had severe behavior issues as a result of it. I hated waking up each day because I knew it wouldn't be different from any other day and could possibly be his worse. He would cry and throw himself down and kick and scream...I had to keep reminding myself there is a reason for this.. So I truly know what you are going through and it is tough I couldn't imagine going through it with a new baby!! But, even though your son doesn't have the same issues like hearing and speech problems you could try a picture schedule. Little photos that show what he will be doing through out the day and when he has completed one you just take it off of the schedule and move on to the next. (attached by velcroe). That gives him a visual as to what to expect. Right now he is two and a new baby popped in on him and is taking a lot of his mommys time and he doesn't really know what to expect. Also, include a lot of playtime with just the two of you and include him in with you when you change the baby or feed the baby. They tend to deal with it better when you involve them and still give them their time they are use to with you. After all he is use to being the baby!!!

I can relate on a different level....our 7 year old has "behavior issues". It's a mild form of OCD and it is so hard sometimes to deal with her....if things break her routine she can get ugly and there are times where she seems more like a 3 year old than our 3 year old does! I can get so incredibly frustrated. It's such a day by day thing. My best advice...is try to get even just 5 minutes to regroup...take a breath...and then go back and try to deal with him.

My daughter was 4 when my son came home from the hospital. It was bad enough helping her to deal with a newborn, I couldn't imagine trying to make a 2 year old understand. I agree with CMKramer that creating a schedule should help. I read in a parenting book one time that schedules help a child feel more secure and they look forward to them. I tried it with Jordan at 4, and it worked great. She looked forward to the schedule. Of course we couldn't stick to it every day because life does get in the way. But each evening she'd ask "Are we going to do the schedule tomorrow?" A picture schedule for a 2 year old sounds wonderful. It will help to keep him involved.

CMKRAMER--
So, your little one had viral meningitis? Do you know how he contracted it? That is actually what my sister died from. They said it was such a strong strain that it was fatal although most people survive it.

As far as schedules go, I think it would be a good idea. I have started doing some consistent things like morning and afternoon walks. I notice that if I go to the store and take just him, then he does really, really well. But guess what happens if he is one of many? He acts terribly!

So, I guess lots of one-on-one time. He is just so much work. More than any child I've ever had before. More work than the new born!

I like the idea of the velcro board. Know where I can get something like that? I am thinking Michael's maybe. Or is this something I would have to make?

I am not really sure where my son contracted it, but it was very bad!! I don't think they have enough information on it to be honest. I do know it caused A LOT of problems and hardships for him. Thankfully with a lot of hard work, therapy, and the great man above we are making great progress!!!
The velcroe board I am sure you can buy one. However , it was easier and cheaper for me to just make one. You can print pictures off line they come in 1 or 2 inch squares and you laminate them...of course I don't have a machine I just buy the manual kind. then you get velcroe and stick one to the picture and save the other side for the board. The board I used a file folder and on the outside I put Austin's Daily Schedule On the Inside I put velcroe in a straight line vertically on both inside pages. On the back we made a laminated envelope (gold colored mail envelopes with the fastening prong) That is so when you have completed an activity you let him take it off the schedule and put it in the folder!! You can make the board many ways just depends on the needs of your son and yourself. My son needed a schedule for everything he done in order to understand what was going on in his life so we used it every minute of the day. You can obviously just make a big board if you wanted to just put the entire days activities. It is really easy!!!

My second son wasn't quite 2 when #3 was born. I remember that about that time he got very difficult. I think he was similar to your son. One thing that I remember helped, was having him "help" me with the baby. Then I over emphasized how good a helper he was, "What a GREAT job bringing Mommy the diaper!" or, "You are such a good brother!" And like someone else said, just trying to spend extra time with him. Your baby is still so young that maybe he needs time to adjust. Hang in there! Believe me, I've been there and can sympathize!

Please, don't feel guilty. If a mom starts feeling guilty, well, there goes the day.

As far as what to do, I'm eating up the answers myself, as our three year old is exhibiting some of the same behaviors. In the space of less than one year, he got not one, but two new baby brothers, started school, started potty-training, moved from the crib to the big-boy bed, and we moved. And that's a lot for a (then) two-year-old to have to swallow. So we're trying to make allowances, but it is hard. The best thing I've found so far is: 1) always give him a heads up about what's next. Don't just quickly take him from one place or activity to the next. Say, "in 5 minutes, we have to leave", or "in 3 minutes, you have to take your bath", that sort of thing. We didn't actually make a schedule board, but we do try to verbalize to him daily what the day has in store for everyone. And we tell him exactly and specifically what we expect his behavior to be like: "while we are at dinner, you have to stay in your seat", or "chew with your mouth closed", etc. And lastly, when we tell him the consequences for making a poor choice, follow through is a must, even if it means leaving a restaurant or a friends house, whatever.

I wish I could say we've had a lot of success with this, but I guess it just takes time, consistency, and follow-through.

I'm right there with you. I have a 2 yr old and a 2 month old. My 2 year old has always been so laid-back and pretty easy going, but once the baby came he started being really clingy and demanding so much attention. It's hard to handle when you're sleep-deprived and needing to tend to a little baby. My advice is not to beat yourself up if you don't feel like being around your 2 year old sometimes. It's not like you don't love them. It's just that it's extremely tiring, stressful and irritating to try to meet their needs as well as your own and that of a new baby. It's an adjustment for everybody. Your 2 yr old WILL adjust in time. Just continue to give him one-on-one time as much as possible, reassure him that he's still your special "baby", reassure yourself that you WILL master being a mom of two kids, and every now and again don't be afraid to let you 2 year know that like it or not they do have to grow up and take on additional responsibility. I know that sounds harsh, but I give my 2 year old a few minutes of throwing a tantrum when he's feeling left out (for example when I'm nursing the baby and he wants me to play trains with him at that EXACT same moment!). After those couple of minutes are up, I tell him, 'okay buddy you've shown mommy that your angry and hurt and that's okay. I understand. Now, that's over. No more crying or yelling or whining about it. Play on your own and I'll be with you as soon as I'm done nursing the baby. You are a big boy and mommy expects you to be patient.' I say it just like I'm talking to an adult and it's amazing how he vents for a while and then moves on. It's like he's maturing right before my eyes and learning to handle those powerful emotions in a way that's socially acceptable. Totally exhausting for me because I have to have that conversation with him about 1,000 times per day, but it's amazing how he conforms to my expectations every time. He know there's some room for his feelings, but there is a limit. Anyway, just my 2 cents...hope it helps to know that you're not alone!!! :-)

It really does help to know that I am not the only mom out there in this situation... Thanks for the great advice. I have started spending some alone time with him. Even if it's just running to the grocery store with just him (when daddy is home and can watch the other ones,) I find that he soaks it up! Today, I took him to the museum with the older kids. And because I didn't have to focus all of my energy on the baby (or the older ones,) he got lots of extra attention and was so well-behaved. It is draining, but I realize what a huge transition this is for all of us. Thanks again for the (much-needed) advice!

You've already done the first thing - admit that he's driving you crazy? How many parents out there HAVEN'T been driven crazy by their children at some point????!!! It's normal and natural but you'll think you're a bad mom if you admit it. NO - you're just a NORMAL mom!!!! Find a friend/family member who you can call at the drop of a hat and say HELP! Come get this kid!!! It gives you a break from the naughtiness, it gives him a break from your grouchiness and gives him the 1 on 1 attention that you can't give him like you could/did 2 months ago. I had a hard time adjusting to sister inlaws in my family as an adult - can't imagine a 2 year old trying to understand all the changes that have just taken place at their level of reasoning...

Don't be afraid to ask for help from friends - then you do the same for them. And DON"T feel bad for getting tired of the tantrums!!! However - if you don't stop it now - can you imagine at 16??

Had a friend once that said "if it's not going to be cute if they do it at 16 - don't let them do it at 2 years old!" I thought - simple and profound and HOW TRUE! It might be cute when he tries to swing at someone when he's little (one of our teen moms - no one with any sense would think it's cute) but what about when he's 10 - or 13?? It's not so cute then!

Thanks, HoodMama!
You know, I have seen moms who think it's cute when their toddlers swing at people (usually little boys.)And I always thought the same thing...won't be so cute when he's older.

As far as my little boy, I do have a person who I can call when I am about to lose it and that person, (Thank the Lord!) is my husband. In fact, I cried to him after I wrote that post and he told me to just go, somewhere, anywhere and relax. I did just that.

It is all about the support we have around us. And when my hubby isn't home, when he is at work, the women here on this board have actually been such a great support for times like these. It really helps, if just to vent.

Can you imagine being a single mom and having this to go through??? Isn't there anyone out there you can call when hubby isn't around??? You've gotta have someone. YOu could trade times - like when that friend who you were in the wedding with has her baby. She's bound to be at the end of her rope at some point too!!!! Just don't keep it in man - let it go!!! You're a much better mom when you take time for you!

You are right about taking time for yourself. It is a MUST or else you will burn out. When I was single with my older one, I had a girlfriend who was also single and we would help each other out. That was a godsend!

Hey Suzy & Hoodmama:

I've really enjoyed reading what you both had to say. Suzy it's so funny that you cried after posting you initial message. I felt like crying when I responded to your message because I realized that I was actually talking to myself as much as to you! I had to remind myself of everything I told you. I have also re-doubled my efforts to spend some one-on-one time with my older son. Sometimes just 10 minutes or so while the baby is napping or just happily laying in his bassinet. I find that the one-on-one time is good for him, but also good for me because it reminds me that I actually still LIKE my older son! :-) I forget sometimes that underneath the tantrums and whining there's still a sweet little boy in there hiding :-) I'm so glad that things are going a little better for you....hang in there! We are definitely in the same boat.

I think Hoodmama hit the nail on the head about being honest. Mothering young children is stressful enough without adding to it guilt about our true feelings or feeling like we have to put up a front for other people by not admitting that we aren't super-mom and sometimes have flaws, insecurities, and less than perfect parenting skills. Being honest is such a big relief!