GainesvilleMoms.com

[QUOTE]Originally posted by kluber:

Beautifully said, kluber.

How do you explain it to a young child??

My grandmother is, as I type, laying in the MICU at Shands. Docs give her less than 50% chance of leaving alive. She's got alzheimers and has been mostly gone mentally for a few months, but still, my kids love her. I have sort of already made my peace, and prayed about it, but I just don't know how to tell my 5 and 3 year old that they won't see her anymore.

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Originally posted by carmic1975:
How do you explain it to a young child??

My grandmother is, as I type, laying in the MICU at Shands. Docs give her less than 50% chance of leaving alive. She's got alzheimers and has been mostly gone mentally for a few months, but still, my kids love her. I have sort of already made my peace, and prayed about it, but I just don't know how to tell my 5 and 3 year old that they won't see her anymore.

Caryn I am so sorry for what you are going through. I don't have any real advice for you. I know that this will effect your kids..it is not something you can just brush over. I think I would maybe talk to them before hand since you know that it is coming. What you decide to tell them depends alot on your beliefs and faith. I think I might try to explain that she is very old and her body is tired so she is going to rest forever with God. Of course then you will inevitably deal with your babies being terrified that you or your husband will be going away to be with God forever. Death isn't easy, no matter what it will be a life changing experience for you all.

Take care...

Thanks for the thoughts klmorg. This morning she was doing much better. Docs are still guarded, but pleased at the progress. The lady is 86 so it's not like she hasn't lived a full life, but still sad to think we might not have her much longer. But she's a tough old bird and is hanging in there.


I decided not to tell the children all the details of the day. I have thought alot about it and have decided to address it when or if it happens. No need to get them upset if I don't need to.

I think its really hard to explain death to kids... but in some ways they understand a lot more than we actually think they do. I am so sorry for all that you are going through, and I know how hard it will be for you to share that with your children. I think the best thing is to explain it, but also make sure you explain death in terms of a normal thing that happens (as you get old) so that they arent fearful of it happening. Has anyone else or a pet passed that they might be able to relate this to?

When my mom died, my sister and her son were living with her. MY nephew had lived with her his whole life..she was like a second mom to him. He was 6 going on 7....it was REALLY hard to come home from the hospital to face him. See, my mom had been in the hospital a lot because of having emphysema and I think my sis and I were truly hoping that this was just another visit for her. I t has been 4 years and I think we are all still dealing with it. One thing I can say though...since we had hoped that she would be coming home, my sis had only brought him over to see her a couple of times...the first thing he said after we told him was that he didn't get to say goodbye. I think this is a HUGE thing for kids...the actual act of saying it.

Death is hard on everyone regardless of their age,
When Brandy died it was different because she was killed in an accident and not in the hospital for a length of time so it was not like the children knew she was sick.

My mother had Alzheimer’s and was in a nursing home for 8 years, but she had early onset and had been sick with it for 24 years.

She like so many other Alzheimer’s patients, are lost to their family years or months before they actually die.

My Dad was at Hospice for 2 years with heart failure. We knew that they were sick.

We didn’t know how to tell the children when Brandy died because it was so sudden.

Brandy’s kids were 3 and 5 and her 5 year old is Autistic, and he still really doesn’t know the reality that his mom is not coming home, We know this because he and I were sitting on the porch weeks later and I made the comment that his Aunt Terri sure is taking a long time to come home, and he made this comment to me.

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“It sure is taking Mommy a long time to come home too”
We still are not sure he understands.

My oldest Granddaughter is the one most affected by her death, out of the kids she is 9 and she spent every afternoon with her Aunt Brandy and helping take care of the other kids.
She asked if she could see her aunt one last time, I didn’t think it was a good idea but her Mom and Dad did.
She did well in the funeral home and it helped her tremendously to deal with the fact that Brandy was not coming back.
We underestimate kids and their ability to deal with their emotions when it comes to the hard times we all face at sometime in our life.

I have made many mistakes in my life raising my kids and my Grandchildren so you have to do what you feel is right for your child no one knows your child as good as you do.

I will say one thing,
Tell them the truth about what is happening as much as you can.
It will help them to understand coming in small increments rather than just the ending statement and that way they can be more prepared.

There are several books that help.
I feel for anyone that has to loss a loved one ,the pain in our hearts is the toughest pain there is.

When my fiance passed away I didn't know how to tell my daughter that her daddy was gone. For almost a month I kept telling her that he was at work. And then one day I decided to sit her down and try to explain something to her. She was about 2 when I decided this. I told her that her daddy had went to heaven. I don't think she really understand what heaven is but she knows he is up in the sky. She has picked out a star that is her daddy's star. She sends balloons up to him on his birthday and on Father's day. She was really close to him when he passed so it has been real hard. I just don't let her forget him and I have even given her a photo album with pictures of him that she carries around.

Death is a hard thing to explain to kids. That is why I have done all the little things to try to help my daughter deal with him not being here. She still says that she misses him and wishes that he was here all the time. I just tell her that he loves her and he is in the sky watching her.

Just let the kids know where she is and that she loves them and that she is watching over them all the time. When they are little it is hard because they really don't understand death. Just be there for them, tell them what you can, and answer any questions that they may have as truthful as you can.

It's been over four years, and we're still reeling from my stepdaughter's death. It takes so little to open the floodgates. I pass someone who mildly resembles her, I hear a word or a phrase that was common for her to use, dream about her...there's a pain my soul that does not go away. My oldest, Big A, asked about her the other, asked where she was and when she's coming back (he was born 9 months after she died). That's what is really painful, talking to my boys about their big sister, but knowing that they'll never really know her as the rest of us did. They'll never have actual memories of her, know her sweet and gentle disposition, won't know how overjoyed she would have been to have them join our family and our lives....wow...so much was lost when we lost her.

I agree with Brandysmom. Everyone needs the chance to say goodbye if it is possible. If you know the person is ill and you can begin to deal with it I think the kids should have that chance too. When the person passes unexpectedly then if they need to see them once more then I think they should be permitted to do so if its possible. When my daughter died I did not want to see her or hold her. I think inside I knew that it would be so tramatic and so emotional. But the doctors, nurses and my mom urged me to see her, hold her and say goodbye. It took me half an hour to have them bring her to me even after I had agreed. It was the 1st and last time I held my baby. I cried a million tears and shook and cried and held her and looked at her. It was the best thing I ever did. If I hadn't ever held her I don't think I would have ever forgiven myself. I couldn't stand the thought of her being buried wothout ever feeling her in my arms.

Well Nana has been in a nursing home since right after Thanksgiving, but when we visit, the kids say we're going to Nana's apartment. I told them that because Nana would get kind of upset when we called it a nursing home so I thought well it's like an apartment and we went with that.

I would like to bring them, but children are like little germ magnets. And of course Nana is all the way in the back so we have to walk through all the other people in bad shape to get to her. I don't want their germs making someone else worse. So unless there is a miricle (and I think there can be) Nana probably won't be going home to her apartment. And no, we haven't even had a pet die yet. Our dog is 7 and we only just got a hamster. So we have nothing to relate to. But even though we're not church goers, we are Christians and they know about God and Jesus so I guess it will be eaiser for them if I explain it in those terms.

GOOD NEWS! Nana was moved to a regular room today! You know, Wednesday night we had a minister come in and pray and requested a priest for the next day. I guess God is once again proving he is the miracle maker!