GainesvilleMoms.com

My daughter is in a stage now where she is biteing people and pinching. I tried the vinager thing, but she likes it; I even went with mustard. I can't be cruel enough to bite her back, like "some" people suggest. I just don't know what to do with her.
WHAT DO I DO ????

PS - no suggestion of corporal punishment. I don't go with that.

I can't talk about your particular situation but my son is 3 and still does some of that. It started when he was probably somewhere between 1 and 2 years old. It's his defense mechanism. When he feels threatened by his sister or from his older cousin, he doesn't know what else to do. For instance, when he's playing with a toy and his older cousin takes it away from him or his older sister says he can't play with that. Since he isn't big enough to do anything else, he bites or pinches.

I didn't really do much at all first besides tell him no, we don't bite. I felt he was a bit young in the beginning to punish. Now I let him know that we don't bite and I slap his hand to get his attention or put him in is room for a time out. Unfortunately, I don't think it will completely stop until he's in daycare though, or preschool. He's not had a problem at all around kids his own age or younger...just older.

Biting is so tough. I worked at a preschool for about three years and remember biting being one of the most difficult issues to solve. What worked for some children was when we talked about what the mouth and teeth ARE for.

We talked about how we eat with our mouths, give kisses, etc. and chew our food with our teeth. We also looked through books that talked about these topics. Then we'd ask, "Are mouths for...kissing, talking, etc.?" and they'd all say "yes." Then we'd throw in there, "Are mouths for biting?" and they'd all yell "no!" It became a fun game.

I found a great book for my son that helped called "Teeth Are Not for Biting" by Elizabeth Verdick its from freespirit press. I bought it from The Babies Room. They also had some other books on matters like hair pulling and my other favorite, "Pacifiers are not forever".

I know you said no corporal punishment, but I just had to reply when I saw you were dealing with biting and pinching. My daughter was a pincher. She pinched ALL the time. She was the big sister and it seemed like everytime I turned around she was pinching her sister. This started when she was about 4 years old and her lil' sis was almost 3. Finally one day she pinched her sister when we were in the car. I stopped the car and turned around and gave her the schmeel(sp)....it's not nice...it's unacceptable...we don't pinch...blah blah blah...As soon as I started driving again my little one starts to cry and I look just in time to see my daughter removing her hand from my youngest daughters arm which is already beginning to redden!! I asked her if she just pinched her sister AGAIN and she said yes...I said "why?" and she said, "because"...just because...well I am not a big hitter at all, I am mostly talking and time out....if they really do something horrendous then I may pop their bottom once but thats about it. I reached back and pinched my daughter hard...on her thigh..it was the only place I could reach from my seat. I will be the first to admit it was out of anger...but you know what?? She NEVER pinched again. I do not agree with hitting a hitter, and I can't explain how what I did is any different other than she had been pinching for about a month and nothing was working and that that last time she really hurt her sister and I had had enough.

When my son was about 9 months old he started biting his cousin. She is younger than him but bigger than him. He didn't bite very long but when he did bite I would stick him in the playpen without toys for about a minute. After he started biting my 2 year old daughter started biting. She knew that she wasn't allowed to bite and that it hurt. With her I tried the time out and it didn't work. Finally one day I tried biting her back and she don't bite anymore. Now that they are a little older my neice who is 14 months is constantly biting my son. We can't leave them unsupervised with each other. It doesn't matter what my sister does to her she still bites. She has been put in timeouts, popped her mouth and she tried biting her back. Nothing seems to work. Usually she is put in her crib for about 2 minutes without toys and noone pays her any attention. Usually this works for a couple days then she starts biting again. I just believe it depends on the kids.

This is a very difficult issue and biting is serious. I worked at a daycare for a while when I was prego and was bitten twice. The first time left a nasty bruise and I was furious. Of course we can't do anything and this child was way too young to understand I think (under one). I quit in just a couple months because it just wasn't worth it. I bit my Grandma and she bit me back and I never bit again but I can't see myself ever biting my son to show him biting is wrong. With everything consistency is key and it is a phase, during which your child may not be allowed to play with others unsupervised but it will pass...people don't taste good.

i really fought it with my daughter around three years old, even talked to the doc about it. he said it is a natural defense especially when they are frustrated. most do not bite to be mean. we tried everything, even rewarded when she didn't bite. nothing worked. my mom told me a story about biting me back too but i just thought that was so wrong on so many levels. the preschool was becoming really irritated, which i completely understood.

one afternoon, i got there to pick her up just after she bit someone. i bit her back. i surprised myself. it was just reflex. not hard, didn't break the skin or anything but left a nice little mark. i really don't think she realized until that moment that she was hurting someone so badly. she still bit a few other times but we reminded her how she hurt and it stopped.

i think you'll surprise yourself at what you are able to do when trying to teach your child lessons.

Most kids bite when they are teething or before they can talk as a way to communicate their frustration. It can be very confusing to them to be punished for it, as they don't even know they're doing anything wrong. Teaching them the right thing to do is important like other moms have mentioned. We always went with a firm "no." With my younger son (a big biter), it took him a couple weeks to catch on, but it worked.