This is a controversial subject I think. I was told to let my little one cry because he is "exercising" his lungs and such. I have such a hard time doing this! I could let him cry when he's older and it's nap time and he's well fed and dry but at 4 weeks old I pick him up and feed him or hold him after about a minute or two if it doesn't let up. I want him to learn to be a self-soother but I think it's too early for that training--he needs me...or is it just that I need him?

Just my opinion...it is too early to let him cry. He has to learn trust and security before you can let him 'cry it out'. Even when it is time to let them cry( about 7 or 8 months if memory serves correctly)I always went back in at about 5 minute intervals to reassure them...I just would not pick them up.

Karen

I agree that it's still a little too early, and I've never really bought into that exercising their lungs claim.

I started -- or I should say my husband convinced me to start -- letting our boys cry it out at night around 4 or 5 months. I'd lay them down drowsy, then if they started crying check back at 5 minutes, then 10 minutes, then 15 minutes ... and I don't think I ever had to do anything more than that.

It worked with my first. The baby -- he just cries no matter what we do at all times of the day, so he's not a good example.

I definitely had a hard time with crying it out a first, and would say it's not for every mom, but once I saw that it was working, I started to not feel as bad.

Good luck if you decide to try it.

I agree, not when they're this little...

This story always stuck with me. When we were first investigating adoption, and were looking to adopt from a Russian orphanage, one of the things we were advised about was that these orphans sometimes simply don't cry, even when they're afraid or in pain, because (OK, I'm going to puddle up here) they learned that crying got you nowhere. There just weren't enough workers in the orphanages to take care of every crier, so they'd cry, and no one would come. After years of this, they simply would no longer cry, even when they eventually had someone to care that they cried.

Now that I've made everyone sad, the end result for me was that I was very attentive to my kids' crying...I never could stand the thought of my little ones wondering why no one came when they cried. So I tended (and still do) to pick them up the instant I hear a sniffle. After a while, you learn to distinguish their cries, and know the ones that can wait for a moment or two or three, but it was months before I could let it go even that far.

I could not, still do not, let my kids cry it out. I like to sooth them. I feel it is my role as their mommy. I feel that they need to know that I love them, will protect them and be there when they need me. Even if they just thiink they need me and really do not-I still want them to know I am there for them.

Hearing your baby cry is one of the worst feelings. Until my daughter was 4 months, she wouldn't take ANY naps unless I held her. She would scream if I layed her down, so I held her for EVERY nap (And we all know how much newborns sleep! Thank goodness she would lay in her crib at night!) Finally, at 4 months, I had to break her of it since she was getting ready to go to preschool. It was the worst week of my life, serioulsy. I did the whole laying her down, checking on her every 5 minutes, etc. Finally, after exactly seven days, she had no problem, and hasn't had a sleeping problem since!

So like the other moms, I agree 4 weeks is pretty young to let a baby cry. I wish our babies didn't have to cry at any age!

love them, hold them, cuddle them, kiss them, spoil them...because one day they will be 15...enough said

Mary -- all I have to say is that there is no right or wrong in this case. It's one of those things that falls into the catagory of "parents choice." You do what works for YOU, and what YOU are comfortable with.

What I'm comfortable with now is WAY different then what I was comfortable with for my first daughter. We live, we learn what works for us, we go on from there.

Whatever you choose to do, rest assured you did the right thing

From everything that I have read and studied, you should not let a baby cry it out until they are at least 6-8 months old. We were told we were holding him too much since day 1. I started putting him down when he was drowsy at 4 months old and since then he soothes himself well and have never really had to let him cry it out.

They can't start manipulating you to pick them up until after 7 months or so, so don't listen to anyone else, and you can't spoil your child.

Our wonderful pediatrician in Lakeland helped us thru what your're talking about. We were doing as our relatives constantly told us to do...we were letting our daughter cry because she was just acting "spoiled."

But Something inside me told me she was too young to act "spoiled" and the doctor came to our rescue; she told us that young babies cry for good REASONS. They cry because they are hungry, they are wet or they are in pain. In our case, it turned out to be a milk allergy...a severe milk allergy. Had I not talked to our doctor about our daughter's supposed tantrums, I would have continued to leave her alone in a dark room at night IN PAIN.

I thank God every day for our pediatrician and for the inner voice God gave each one of us mothers!

Toddlers cry for good and bad reasons. Young babies cry for reasons that need genuine attention. There are some wonderful baby developmental books on the market that deal with what to expect at each stage of a young child's life. I recommend those books; we bought our "Baby Bible" (as we called it) after speaking with the pediatrician. Then we told our relatives to stuff it.

I let my daughter and son cry it out, but they were much older. I rocked my daughter to sleep every night until she was about 10 months old. I'd also come to her bedside immediately if she was crying etc. But finally it got to be too much for me to handle and I let her cry it out. The first night she cried for 20 minutes, with me checking on her every 5 minutes. The second night was better, and the third she hardly cried. The fourth night she didn't cry at all and went to bed like she was supposed to. It worked well.

At the age your baby is, he isn't being spoiled. He doesn't know any better. I think you would also find that letting him "cry it out" for more than a minute or so would be tougher on you and him than taking care of the situation.

Good luck!

My pediatrician says you can't spoil a baby.

I wouldn't do it at that age. Babies are meant to be snuggled. I've always had a difficult time doing the CIO method. We have 4 children. We've tried it with all of them after a certain age. For a couple of them it worked, for the other two it didn't. Each baby is different.

Regarding the orphaned babies, I'd heard the same information before we ever had children. That was always on my mind when I'd try the CIO method, but like others have said, you'll eventually figure out which cries need immediate attention and which ones can wait.

Although I do admit to letting my first child cry some at 9 months old it was b/c he didn't just want to sleep with me but nurse all night long. I never got more than one hour of solid sleep until I put him in his crib. My husband was very supportive and we both read a book about healthy sleep habits for your child.

It worked. But still to this day both my kids age 5/3 come to our room b/w midnight and 7am to snuggle. If it's closer to midnight and I have just got comfortable then I tend to get frustrated with them but then I remember that this to shall pass and I'll one day be aching to have them beside me.

I never let my babies cry it out at such a young age.
With my son, when he was about 9-10 months old, I did the cry it out, because he no longer wanted me to rock him to sleep. He wanted to run and play. It was around the same time he learned to walk. I finally did the cry it out with him and after 3 nights, he was a great sleeper again.
With my daughter, I tried the cry it out when she was about a year old. She was still being bf'ed at bedtime and I was trying to wean her, but it didn't work. This was the first time she had been placed in a crib and she hated it! We I threw out the crib and got her a toddler bed, she went to bed with no problems and loved her big girl bed. She still crawls in bed with me all the time though.