I just posted another thread on discipline, but I'd like to know how moms feel about spanking...do you do it?

I don't spank. I try to re-direct, and let them know we don't do something. I do timeout, or quiet time in their room. But mine are still young. My daughter will be 3 next month.
Daphne

if you don't have anger issues and the child understands the spanking that is done moderately, not violently, I feel it is ok.

however, if you have an anger issue, stay away from it!!!

my father had lots of anger issues and spankings turned into beatings and a lift time emotional scar!

We don't spank. I never was as a child either. I just don't think I could tell them that hitting is wrong and then hit them when they do something wrong...jmo though....

I do spank my son occasionally. I don't do it to hurt, just enough that he knows what he's doing is wrong. My daughter would just laugh when she was around 3 and I tried spanking her. But my son seems to need a more immediate consequence when he's misbehaving. (In order to put 2 & 2 together) I do put him in his room when I know he simply needs a break.

when Tim was younger, he was dx with muscular dystrophy. so I didn't spank him at all. In his earlier years I would slightly but not enough to make a difference. I think because my dad abused us that it was something we all vowed we would never do to our own kids.

however, i think some kids do need some kind of discipline. But i think parents need to use their heads and not their anger. everybody should just use discretion.

its strange how in this society-the now. if you spank your kids today, its almost considerd "abuse". but back in my days, no one gave a damn and many many many were forever emotional scarred due to it.

however, i think today, some go overboard in what they consider "abuse". if that made sense.

I agree that discipline should only be done with a cool head. If I am really angry, I have to walk away and re-visit the issue when I have calmed down. If more people would walk away from a crying baby, a fussy toddler, a huge mess their child has made, then there would really be less child abuse, less shaken baby syndrome.

When I was home with baby #3 all by myself and he was colicy, I thought I was going to lose my mind. There were days when I had to just walk away, take a step outside, take a deep breath, and leave him crying, even screaming. I felt bad that he was screaming, but I knew he was safe.

I use spanking, but not all the time. Sometimes it depends on the situation. If know that they are just cranky and tired, they get sent to their rooms to go lay down and rest.
If they make a mess, I simply make them clean it up. I really try to use action and reaction type of thing. If they hurt each other playing or rough housing, they have to help make the other feel better.
I use spanking when they are simply being stubborn or defiant, or giving one of their major attitudes. After trying every other method, nothing seems to work.
But my children are not abused, I don't ever spank them when I am angry.

I would never let anyone else hit my children. Why in the world would I do it? They're lovely little people, and I believe my age and experience has allowed be the ability to out think them (come up with a method to managing their behavior) without violence. I would never want to be the cause of physical pain for these sweet little things.

I flinch when I see other parents smack a child. It's so sad. It really makes me very very sad. Imagine the people who've pledged to keep you safe hitting you? It's mortifying. My children behave extremely well. We use time-out and removal of priveledges to discipline. I will never look back and wish I hit them. My parents regret hitting my siblings and I.

I mean really. Wouldn't you press charges against someone else who struck your child? Think about it.

quote:

Originally posted by rhuhru:

I mean really. Wouldn't you press charges against someone else who struck your child? Think about it.

Ok, I am not up for these kind of debates usually, but since you asked, I would press charges against anyone who did not have my prior permission in disciplining my children.
And while I respect your opinion/decisions completely I do feel somewhat attacked by your comments.
I am really glad that your children "behave extremely well" You are very lucky.
However not everyone has such well behaved children, (speaking mainly for myself) and it has nothing do with spanking or not spanking.
I have normal behaved children who push limits, act out, get upset and do things they shouldn't do. It is my job to teach them the best I know how. And unless someone, who feels they are so much better at raising children, wants to force ably take that job away from me, I would request that this person does not criticize how I choose to raise my children.
My children are not abused, neglected, mistreated or unloved. And I would fight fiercely with anyone who chooses to challenge that against me.

I didn't want to reply to this post, but I do think that a lot of people equate spanking with hitting/abuse. I think that can be a presumptuous statement, just like saying all ____ are _____ (fill in the blank with whatever stereotype you want).

I wasn't spanked as a child, but my husband was. In his experience, those times were some of his fondest memories! It was a time that his dad would lovingly take him aside, remind him of what he did wrong, and then spank him. Afterwards they would pray together and hug. My husband remembers not being afraid of the spanking, but the disappointment he caused his father.

I don't want to say what we do or don't do for discipline, as everyone has their own opinions and I don't want to be judged. But I will say that my boys are very sweet and happy boys and know beyond a shadow of a doubt that they are loved very very much. All three of them have very different personalities and sometimes require different methods of discipline. What works for one son, might not work for another. It certainly also depends on the offense.

I think that everyone should discipline their children as they feel fit and not judge others if their ways are different (unless, of course, genuine physical or psychological abuse is happening). We should have some similar goals, to raise happy, loving, caring children who will grow up to be happy, loving, caring adults.

This message has been edited. Last edited by: 3monkeys,

I was not going to respond to this either, but I will say that every child is different. Children respond differently to different forms of punishment.
I was spanked (not beaten) as a child and so was my husband, but it was not the only type of discipline that we received. We were not afraid of our parents, we respected them. We look back on those moments now and talk about what we learned from getting those spankings and most of the time the lesson learned was, "I'm not gonna do that again." Our parents used differnet types of punishment for different situations.
I have a 14 year old son and he is a very well mannered, polite and good kid. Mind you, he is teenager so he has his moments, but he is still respectful. I have used different types of punishment for him depending on his age and situation, and it has worked.
My daughter is totally different. She is 22 months and I can already tell that what worked for him probably won't work for her.
There is a huge difference between beating and spanking. No child should be beaten! I think that we can all agree on that. As for spanking, if you don't believe in it or you think it is wrong, then don't do it, but don't judge those that do. You have to do what works for you and your child, as long as it works.

I agree with both Myspiritwithin and 3monkeys. I personally find equating spanking with abuse just silly. I myself spank my son on OCCASION typically because he simply isn't listening. He will on occasion run away from me or refuse to stop doing something. In both of these cases he thinks what he's doing is a game of sorts, and spanking works the best to get him to stop. A spanking from me does not hurt! It's a tap on the butt to let my son know that what he's doing isn't appreciated and that he's disappointing me. Typically, he will wine or cry, but not because he hurts. He cries because he realizes he's done something wrong. I then cuddle him until he's ready to go play again. Typically a minute at most. I then use that time to verbally remind him what he did wrong and why I didn't like it.

I don't use spanking often, maybe once every few days. In fact, I don't have to discipline him often at all. I will send him to his room for "time outs", but this occurs even less often then spanking. I feel that my daughter and son "behave extremely well". But, each of them knows there will be consequences for their actions if they misbehave. Those consequences are chosen by my husband and myself to conform to each child's personality.