GainesvilleMoms.com

Ok girls, (and men) help me out with this one. I am a SAHM. So I do the majority of the cleaning, cooking, caring for the children etc. Now that's not to say I am a neatnik or anything, but if it's going to get cleaned, it's usually by me. The one thing I ask DH to do is take out the trash. We have trash pickup 3 times a week! 3!! Most of you only have it once! It's like well awesome! And we have 2 outside trash cans in the event we are particularly trashy. Now, the main inside can resides in the kitchen, which is probably common, with several small ones scattered through the house. Why is it that every time the one in the kitchen is full, I have to ask for it to be emptied?? Everytime!!!! It's on the way to the master bedroom where he and I usually go to the bathroom (there's one of those in there too) so it's not like it's in some out of the way corner and can be forgotten. IT'S RIGHT THERE!!! Then when it can't hold even a feather, I ask and get the I was going to take it out later excuse. But it's been like that since I woke up. It should have been taken out last night...then argument ensues. Am I just being a nagging you-know-what? Is this too much to ask??

I wouldn't say you're nagging. But I also get stuck taking out the trash after I've asked my husband to do it. It's very frustrating. The worst is having to empty the diaper pale!

my DH showed me this study that was done that "proved" that men's brains are wired diff then woman and it "substantiated" that men do not see the same things we see when we look at a room. They do not see things like full trash cans, spots on the rug, crumbs on the counter etc. It did not say what it was that they did see . Anyway, I have just learned to live w/ the fact that if I tell him, it will get done. If I do not, it will not!

Yep...definetly have to tell mine too. I think there are very few men that actually see what needs to be done when they walk in a room. My sister is married to a clean nut and he does all that stuff...he will clean vacuum and pick up as needed with no prompting. He doesn't do laundry though.

I don't think you are magging at all. I used to go round and round with these things when I was married to my ex-h.
I would even tied it up and placed it by the door and he would he move the bag, open the door and leave without taking out the trash.
I got so upset about it that I sometimes I would wait till he was doing something else in the evening, take it out and put it in the back seat of his car. I didn't care if it was winter or summer. One time during the summer it sat in the back seat of the car all day and when he opened the car to come home, he got a major wind of it!
It never really get him to take out the trash more, but it would be cause some stress relief for me.

Yeah, I really think some men are wired that way. My husband sometimes just doesn't "see" things the way I do. I do appreciate his willingness to try though, and I've just had to come to terms with the fact that sometimes I'll have to remind him with things.

Maybe you could try a different angle and tell you husband that you don't want to sound like a nag, but that taking out the trash without having to be asked is an act of love? That it would make you feel more loved if he would do that one thing for you? When my husband does things around the house w/o me having to ask or remind him, it shows me that he loves me. Just an idea.

There is a great book called the "The Five Love Languages" my husband and I have read it to help us understand each other better. The just of it is that women and men receive and perceive acts of love differently. I believe they are 1. Physical Touch (most men relate to)2. Quality Time (my personal favorite) 3. Tasks (my other personal favorite, goes with "taking out the trash" 4. Gifts (not my favorite) 5. Words of Affirmation (they need to be told or you need to be told how great the other one is.)

Anyway, it really helped my husband and I communicate better and realize that him taking out the trash for some reason affirmed his love for me and me showing physical affection and using words of affirmation reassured him that I was still totally in love with him.

It is a very short and easy read with great examples. I believe the author is Gary Chapman and they also have one for children that I am reading that is also very helpful. Because like adults children receive and perceive love in different ways.

I don't often respond to discussions unless I feel really passionate about something or think I can add something helpful to the conversation. I think this book and concept is very helpful.

Well we watched the DVDs Laugh Your Way To a Better Marriage. If you can borrow a copy, I would highly recommend it. It's basically the DVD copy of a seminar given by a man named Mark Gungor. It's funny and insightful. ANd in it, I did learn that men are really hardwired different and that the things that matter to women (like the trash or the laundry basket of unfolded socks) just don't matter to men. BUT he watched it too and should recognize the differences too....

Thanks for your input. It stinks to have to whine everytime the trash is full, but nice to know that I'm not alone in my whining

I asked my hubby and he said that when he gets home he is out of "work mode" and that it's actually difficult for him to get into "work mode" for just one task. I will attest to the fact that when we have a "cleaning day" at home he is very efficient and is then hard to get to quit cleaning to go somewhere or relax together. I love the love languages book but have gotten the most help from "Love and Respect" by Eggerichs. I still can't get him to put his keys in the basket by the front door and he constantly searches pants pockets every morning for them and occasionally I have to go hunting for mine! We are all in this one together.