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So I had fully resigned myself to giving up my career for mommy life and while I feel a little pathetic about the highlight of my day being the fact that I was able to get all the stains out of my husband's favorite shirt but...I was really excited about being with my baby all day until...The job I have wanted for a long time (and was offered last year and have always kicked myself for turning down) has just become available again. I'm due in two weeks with my first baby and my husband is in the position to stay at home with the baby for a year while he finishes up school. This will help us out a lot financially but I don't know if my heart can do it. It sucks that women have to make this choice in life and I'm just wondering how you all made yours. Can I do it? I know I would love this job but I cry just thinking about being away from the new baby all day.

It's hard, Mary. I work and my husband stays home. We both decided that we didn't want our kids in daycare and would sacrifice an income to do it. My husband was in the same position as yours regarding finishing up his degree and a great position opened up for me so it made sense that he'd be the one to stay home. I miss my baby everyday but at least I know she's in excellent hands and I make him share all the details about what I miss during the day. I really make those weekends and evenings count too.

Mary (and kristin)...I do understand your concern and your desire, not only for your newborn but also the job situation.

You turned the job down once, are you sure want to do it again? it may never be offered again (but than again, 3rd time is the charm). IF you were a single parent, what would you do?

I know this is something you have to really consider, most of all pray about. If you were to take the job, would that supervisor allow you to have the first 3-4 months with your new born before you can start the job? Weigh the options of what you can and can not do. Ask...look at different alternatives and options before making that final decision. Is there an option to work at home in those first few months?

As a single mom, I had to work. There was no choice about it. Fortunately Tim's dad was around and although he was working full time and going towards his other degrees, he still found time to be with Tim. We really worked it out when I went to college full time (for the 2nd time). We also had friends and family to help care for Tim.

I'm sure that no matter what you decide, you sill will be a caring, naturing, & loving mother to the ladd. And he will not remember what you had to do...but for the moments you are with him, you will cherish those moments even more. I was always so excited about getting home from work. I had a little guy to go home to...

I think between you and your DH, you two will come to the right decision for 3 of you. There may be some regrets...but at the time it will be the right choice to do what is right for your family.

You will get through this together!

I think you should at least try it...it will be hard but as my mom used to say....you never know until you try! Nothing is set in stone, so if you try out this job and after a while, it's just not working then nothing says you have to stay. Good luck and make sure you let us know

This is the hardest decision a new parent makes, well actually they are all hard-who am I kidding! All I can say is that I went back to work when my son was 4 months (he is now 4) and when my daughter was 8 weeks (part time) and then FT when she was 4 months (she is now 1.5). Speaking from my experience, I am very glad that I did not give up a career that I love w/ a great company. However, I am lucky to have my mother willing to watch the kids while I work (I pay her the going Nanny rate-not cheap). So, I have total peace of mind they are being well cared for. I also work from home, so I can check on them during the day. I do travel though and nights away from them were so hard (still are)-especially while breastfeeding/pumping etc. I am lucky to have a very supportive husband and family..so it has worked for me. I know all situations are different and you have to do what is best for you and your family. I know many SAHMs w/ regrets as well as many working Moms w/ regrets. So, the bad news is there is no right answer. However, the good news is, there is no wrong answer either! Follow your heart!

As hard as your decision is, it's gotta be harder when you actually don't get to make the decision yourself..when life or circumstances make the decision for you. I can't imagine the pain of having no choice but to put a child in daycare at 6 weeks old, but that is many people's reality. My DH is a SAHD, and an awesome one, and so my decision was far easier knowing that my babies would be in their own home being cared for by their very own daddy. So much better than a paid worker or daycare, IMO.

Like bishop96 said, nothing is set in stone...if you try it out and find it doesn't work for you and your family, you can always quit a job. Trust your inner goddess!

I think it totally depends on the situation ... and believe me, you may feel one way now and completely different after that baby is born. I went back to work at three months after having my boys, and it was the right thing for me. I enjoy the challenge each day, and I like rushing home each night to my kids who are so happy to see me. Having them in a day care that I absolutely trust and feel comfortable with plays a big part in that. I don't think my husband would want to stay home either (actually I wouldn't want him to stay home either -- that's 8 extra hours each day that he could mess up my house!)

When my first baby was born, we decided that I would go back to work full time while my husband finished his Masters. I won't lie to you and say that it was easy - it was the hardest thing ever and I cried plenty of tears. But I knew that it wouldn't be forever and that it was a great experience for my husband. Now I stay at home with my three sons; my oldest of course doesn't remember those days. It was very hard, but we survived. My husband is an awesome "Mr. Mom".

It's, of course, a personal decision and you will have to determine what will be best for you all. As the baby gets older, is it going to disrupt your husband's studies? Do you have other childcare options, even just part time in case your husband needs some time to study?

Also, doing something you love will make it easier. Plus it's nice if your husband and baby can visit you sometimes during your lunch break. Ask him to email you pictures throughout the day. Reminding yourself that you're not alone and that a lot of moms go through the same thing helps a little, too.

This message has been edited. Last edited by: 3monkeys,

WOW! These responses are all really helpful to me. After praying together and seeing my husband's excitement about possibly staying home and bonding with our son I did decide to at least apply for the job and see what happens. One of my fears was also that I would not have any energy when I get home from work to give my child the best of me but it seems that God places a special grace on moms and you all were excited to come home, not too exhausted and that is comforting. Thank you for all your support and encouragement.

I'm glad you are at least going to apply for the job! You can always change your mind and applying for it buys you more time to make that decision.

I have several friends who are working moms, whose husbands stay at home with the kids and they seem to love their arrangement. Sure they have their ups and downs, (the husbands sometimes do too, so be prepared for that!), but I honestly think if the moms weren't having their downs about having to leave their babies to go to work, they'd have their downs about not getting a break or working so long on "getting that stain out." It sounds to me like a great opportunity, especially if hubby gets to be the one to stay home with baby.

Go for it, and if it just doesn't feel right, you can always change your mind!

I think even when you are exhausted after a long day at work, seeing your child will reenergize you -- even if it is only for the couple hours before bedtime. You really learn to prioritize the time you have with your kids. Good luck with the job!

As a working mom, I can say that yes it is diffuclt leaving your child with someone else but at the same time, you have to do what is best for you and your family. I was blessed and had a close friend watch K until just this week when she started a regular daycare. Of course, I have been a wreck every morning this week but it is getting better everyday. And just like all the other moms have said when you get home from a long day at work, one smile is all it takes to make everything right. The chores (that she can't help with)wait until after she's in bed and it's just family time. Everything happens for a reason and you never know what the future holds. You can always give the job up later on if you don't want to continue. Good Luck!