GainesvilleMoms.com

There used to be a little girl who would ride around our neighborhood without her bike helmet on, and the girl was, well, clumsy. I saw her fall down multiple times and always wanted to tell her to put on her helmet. I never did.

I know there are a million other situations when kids need to be reminded of the rules. So when is it appropriate to discipline someone else's child? Whether it's to tell them to wear a helmet, stop running or use their inside voice, is it ever OK to tell another parent's child what to do?

I will say something to my sister's child or my sister-in-law's child if they are doing something and their parent isn't right there to say something themselves. I will also speak up when my nephew kicks or hits his mother. I want him to know that it's not only not ok with his Mom that he's hurting her, but it's not ok with me.

I will speak up around extended family as well, again when they are not available to say something to their own kids. I would not discipline a stranger's kids though unless they were endangering another child. If I see a child misbehaving at a park etc. I will typically look around for the parent. In the case you described of the child without a helmet, I would probably have taken this up with the parent. Either that or maybe I would have asked the child whether they had a helmet and then offered to purchase them one if they did not already have one.

That is a tough question. I usually run into this problem when I let my daughter play in the mall playground. I often see older kids playing pretty rough and coming so close to knocking down my daughter and other little kids. I typically just look around, and usually parents eventually notice what's going on.

But there are some cases, like when a boy pushed my daughter from the top of the slide to the floor, that I had to nicely speak up. There was no parent in sight, so I just nicely told him that he needed to play nicely with his friends and patiently wait for his turn.

I guess you just have to judge every situation and do what you think is best. If a child could get hurt or hurt someone else, I think you have to calmly speak up if no parent is around.

Thats funny Stacy...since I have been reading this thread from the start I kept thinking I experience this problem the most at the mall playground too! Everytime we go we run into this problem. Same pattern everytime. (1)Notice the child that needs discipline. (2)Think to yourself "I see he/she needs discipline, now where is mom and/or dad?" and then begin the stare down to find the responsible adult in charge of this child..all the while watching our children and the child causing the problem ourselves simultaneously (we all possess this superpower)!(3) Finally realize that you need to speak up because you can't pick out the parent or because you did pick out the parent but they aren't saying anything!

Ever notice that most of the time when you finally say someting to the child the parent gets up off their butt and says something as if to say,"I've got this ...you don't need to interfere!"....but sometimes they are gracious and will apologize so I won't complain too much

Wow..that felt good...I didn't realize I had so much frustration built up about that!!

Did you ever notice how nice and quiet the playground gets after the mall security officer comes by and clears out all the too big kids!!

Karen

I know the mall play area is great for summer days when it's too hot to be outside, but those are the exact reasons why I don't let my son play there. I'll only let him go if we're at the mall very early or very late, when there are only a few kids around. There's just not enough supervision.

I have a friend whose daughter misbehaves often (because of her parent's parenting style, I feel) and I want so badly to say something, but I know the mom would freak out. Interestingly, the mom is more than happy to correct other people's children.
My son and her daughter are far enough apart in age to where they don't really play together, so it's not a problem I encounter, but I feel that if a child is going to hurt him/herself or another child, it is the place of any responsible adult to stop him/her.
Before I had kids I felt this way and on rare occasions would speak up. I always got 'the look' from the parent, but didn't care - it needed to be done. Now that I'm a mom, I think it holds more weight even though my opinions and actions are exactly the same.

Anyway, point is, I feel that it's ok under the right circumstances.

klmorg...Reading your thread really made me laugh because that is EXACTLY what I experience. It's so nice to hear that other moms are facing the same frustrations, even if we're only talking about a mall playground!

That is so funny that you mention the mall playground. When my oldest was smaller and the playground was still over by where Build a Bear is now, we took her and this little boy was constantly picking on her. I sat through it for a little while, trying to let her learn to work things out on her own. But this kid was older than her and just wouldn't let up. So I finally walked up to him and said where is your mother??? who promptly stood up and walked over. So asked her if she had seen how her kid was behaving and she apologised and scolded him. The problem was she was there with another adult and they were too busy talking to notice her kid acting like a brat. I see stuff like that happen occasionally when I'm there, but Hannah takes up for herself now

I do not correct other people's children often. However, if I do feel the need-usually only if it is a safety usually. I do it in the same manner I would my own children-explain why they should stop the behavior etc. I am fine if soemone else does the same for me, when I am not able too.

Well, I think we all pretty much agree here, usually look for the parent(s) of the ill-behaved child to step up to the plate, and if not, we look to do what we can to handle the situation, especially if there is the danger at hand, for our children or someone else's child.

I have a family member, however, who appears to hold to the philosophy that when her child is at MY house, he is MY responsibility. Her child comes to me for anything and everything. If said child goes to his own mother, she directs him to me! I find this lazy and infuriating...to say the least. I NEVER expect other people to guide, direct, comfort or in any manner "attend to" my children in any way, shape or form, even their grandparents, if I am in their presence. My kids: my responsibility. I do not get parents who turn off their parental duties just because there is another parent nearby...even if it is another family member. I always feel awkward when this child is directed to me for correction....he obviously needs it, but if I go too far in my correcting or re-directing of the child (in the mother's opinion), guess who'll be the first to let me have it! Thank goodness this family member is not a frequent visitor!

I only feel it's appropriate with family or people who are like family to me or as you said when there is no parent present. However, everyone knows that if they correct my child (or dog) be prepared to be corrected themselves if I don't agree!

Also, someone asked my MIL if she would ever spank my child when in her care and the answer is a decided NO! I know spanking is controversial these days but we believe in spanking but that it is only for the parents to do in love, not anger.

I believe there is a difference between disciplining another's child and speaking with another's child. I find it fine to ask gently for a child to play "nice" or slow down or be careful not to hit his head or not to hit my child, etc. I always speak with the child (in a soft, gentle tone & w/ a smile) before approaching the parents.

If it gets to the point I must speak with the parents, I do my best to stay calm and then I ask for them to "Please stop your child from..." And I always thank them for their help.

The mall play area has been both a blessing and a headache. One mother and I had to approach the parents of twin boys after the boys kept knocking kids down on purpose and really being horrid. Many parents had taken their kids out due to the boys. The dad and pregnant mom watched and did nothing....AND they brushed it off when we women spoke w/ them.

So....I walked down the mall and found a security guard. I described the boys, the parents and explained how dangerous an atmosphere the boys were ALLOWED to create. The officer walked over to the parents and called them off the side. Within a few minutes, the parents and boys exited the area. The fun part is that the very next week, I saw the family in church!

As a teacher, it's VERY hard for me to remember not to discipline other children. I lost my mind in a Plant City Taco Bell YEARS ago when a boy was running FAST thru the restaurant. His parents were nearby, but that didn't cross my mind. I instinctedly (in a loud, firm voice) stated, "Stop running NOW and sit down, please!" The boy looked shocked and immediately complied. Then glanced over and saw 4 dagger eyes looking at me. I smiled and said, "Sorry, it's just the teacher in me." My friends and I exited the restaurant quickly as they were bigger than I .

Should my children misbehave in public, I HOPE some caring, responsible adult will tell them to smarten up. The only reason we wouldn't do it first is because we missed seeing/hearing the behavior. Years ago children behaved better (speaking generally) because there were neighborhoods and communities of people who CARED. They cared enough to speak to children about right/wrong behavior AND they phoned the parents and told on the kids. THAT is the "village" Hillary Clinton spoke of and THAT is what I wish were in place today.

Okay I got a first hand of this topic with my own child today..We went to the Museum here in town and had a lot of fun!! However, my 8 year old decided he was going to take his lolipop that he got from the bank. Now mind you he was told to leave it in the car, but he snuck it in his pocket. so we are in the hands on for kids area and he pulled it out and immediately I saw him and disciplined him, but while doing so the "girl" who I guess looks after the area in the museum decided she was going to discipline him. While I am talking to him about the lolipop she interupts me and says to him you can't eat your lolipop in the museum so you need to put it away. Now at first I thought maybe she didnt realize I was talking to him about that, but then she had to have heard me I wasn't whispering and we were 4 feet from her. I politely told her I recall being his mother who was actually talking to him about the lolipop when you interupted me. Thank you!! It wasn't but maybe 5 minutes and she switched places with another girl in another area of the museum. But, I thought how rude is that.. I guess there are times where maybe its needed but I am no fan of someone disciplining my child when I am present. Unless they were in danger and I SOMEHOW didn't notice. Yet I am one to watch my kids like a hawk. Not everyone watches their child either.

I have to agree with you FLNonny. I could see myself speaking to another mom's child, but I would never think of putting them in time out or spanking them or any other kind of discipline -- even though there have been so many instances when I thought a child needed it desperately.

Honestly, in most instances, I think many children would respond positively to a little "talking to," but it's having to deal with the parents that worries me. I can just imagine another mom coming over and yelling at me not to tell her child what to do. That's the main reason I keep my mouth shut -- I just hate conflict.