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My family and I are out of town visiting our parents. My daughter really loves seeing her grandparents, and my husband and I enjoy a little break. But we've been having a little problem...

When my daughter makes a bad choice or doesn't listen, her grandparents want to come coddle her while my husband or I try to talk to her.

I don't want my daughter to think she can get away with everything when grandma and grandpa are around. Anyone else run into this? I know grandparents are suppose to spoil their grandkids but...

My DH's parents don't really interfere when we're correcting the kids, but they do let them get away with more than we do and they eat alot more junk there.

I figure it's not that big of a deal since they don't see Grandma and Papa as much as they'd like to. If they spend the weekend there, it usually takes me a few days to get them back in line so to speak, but I choose my battles and this isn't one I like to get into with my in laws.

My in-laws spoil K as well but not in a "bad" way. They let her eat alot of junk and not take a nap but they never ever overstep our authority. Hubby doesn't like that she eats so much junk when she is there but really, in the whole scheme of things, we just don't think it is that big a deal. If they ever tried to interfere when K was in trouble though, I would have to say something....or have hubby say something.

We are leaving today for the Tampa area to visit both sets of grandparents. The in-laws have always done as they pleased. We insisted on an 8 pm bedtime for our children when visiting (they put them to bed at 11:00), I had outfits put together for each child (the kids came home looking like hobos), I asked for them to make sure the kids' teeth were brushed and their hair combed (that didn't always happen), we requested one nap daily (never happened) and we said NO JUNK FOODS (candy and ice-cream were the staples).

We finally realized that we had to see the glass as half full. The grandparents LOVED (and still LOVE) their grandchildren, they take them everywhere (Disney, Universal, Busch Gardens, the movies, out to eat, the zoo, the park, the beach, shopping, on trips out of the country, etc), they paid in advance for both children's college in full and they would lay down their lives for our children. The time they get with the kids is now just once monthly (due to our locations) and now that one child is a teen, she knows how to discipline herself when it comes to sleeping, eating, dressing, etc. Our 8-yr-old will soon be in that same position.

THEREFORE, we keep telling ourselves that "THIS TOO SHALL PASS" and thank God for such great grandparents, EVEN IF they don't always do as we ask.

Kids grow up fast. Soon they'll teach the grandparents a thing or two. Until then, be thankful your children are loved and nurtured. That's how we had to look at things; otherwise, we would have been angry and frustrated 24/7. The kids KNOW that their grandparents are being nauty by not listening to their parents.

This message has been edited. Last edited by: FLNonny,

How often do you get to see them? I think I would be more concerned if you visit them often, but if it's only once in a while, I personally would let it slide. I have tried to get my in-laws to stop buying so much for the kids. One grandparent in particular buys something for my daughter and sometimes my son every time they are together. They went out a lot when we lived near them, but talking to them didn't help in the least. I also tried talking to my Dad once about what he fed the kids...to no avail.

I figure if it's not so often and you can deal with it, think about letting it slide.

It is a free- for -all here too. Both sets of Grandparents spoil them rotton. My in-laws buy them whatever they want and cater to every whim. My parents let them snack all day long. It is crazy! Did these people really raise kids? Anyway... my kids seem to understand that what happens at Grandma's stays at Grandma's.

I think most of the fun of being grandparents is them getting to spoil the kids. Both sets do it to our boys. I never minded -- mostly because it's a huge treat for them to be with their grandparents, and neither set would let them get away with anything that would cause them harm. I rarely saw my grandparents as a kid, so I'm just happy that my boys get to see my parents every week and my husband's parents at least once a month. I'm just so happy that they have a relationship that I never got to experience -- so a late bedtime or extra scoop of ice cream isn't that big a deal.

I agree. It's great having such loving grandparents! My daughter gets SO excited to see them, even though she knows it's a 2.5 hour drive! We usually go back home about once every month or so. And my mom, especially, is the queen of sneaking little candies and cookies and buying little "surprises." I think it's all great. It's just how grandparents are wired. I also think it's OK if kids get away with a little more when visiting grandparents. But I may have to nicely mention it's important that they don't step in when I've already begun talking to my chid if she's making bad choices.

It will be fun to be a grandma one day (and by one day, I mean like at least 20 years from now )

just remember who the parent is....even if the grandparents may have many years experience as a parent, they still need to respect YOU as the parent and work with you and not against you.

If you feel your parents is overstepping that boundary than its time to talk to your parents and maybe "put them in their timeout" . Stick to your rules even if your daughter don't like it.

After all, later in life she will appreciate it when she has kids how you kept the rules over the grandparent spoilness (is that a word?!).

Hope that made sense!

My hubby and I have a fairly unique distinction of being not only parents to our own young brood, but also grandparents to his older kids' kids. So that puts a somewhat different spin on things for us...parenting isn't some long ago, far away pastime to us...it's here, and now! We're in the thick of it, right along with them! We're facing many of the same situations, obstacles and challenges with our boys, that the older kids are with their boys. So our grandsons get "spoiled" by virtue of the fact that our house is LOADED with boys' toys, and we're always doing "boy stuff", and having our own family adventures and events that we, of course, bring our grandsons along to with us. However, because we also live with the result of grandparent spoiling of our boys by my parents, we tend to know when to put a stop to things with our grandsons.

My parents waited many, many years to become grandparents (my brother doesn't have kids) and I wouldn't keep them from something that gives both them and my boys any joy, for anything in the world. I never had grandparents myself, and it really affected me. I always wanted grandparents and really think I missed out on an important part of life by not having any, so I just can't seem to say no to anything my parents want to do with my kids, or give to my kids.
We're all fortunate to have each other.

As with most of life, you gotta keep things in perspective, and know how to pick your battles.

After just coming off an "Auntie" weekend... I can tell you - I spoil my nieces and nephews as much as I can. That is our right and our duty as aunts/uncles and grandparents. We CAN break the rules a little bit and give them a few more treats than mom or dad because we dont' get them that often and there needs to be something special when coming to our houses. My nieces know there is a limit but they also get to do things that they dont' get to do at home. That's what makes going to G&G's house or Auntie's house special. They get to do different things. If they lived by every rule the parents had - what would be so special??? Looking at the big picture - does it really matter if your kids get to bed 2 hours later for a couple nights?? Does it really matter if they get extra potato chips and cookies??? It sounds like it's more of a control issue in my mind. Trust me - give up the need to control life. Especially with kids - you'll have a much happier life.