GainesvilleMoms.com

An interesting question posed on Motherlode, the NYT parenting blog, via Momversation.com, another really cool site.

What do you all think?

I'm still contemplating my answer. This is a toughie.

Wow Sarah...this could be an essay answer!!

Marriage has it's ups and downs and definetely depends on the types of people that have married. If we stick with the ideal joining, being two people who love each other and both give 100% to the marriage, then I would lean towards motherhood being the tougher of the two, but only because it is so much more demanding than marriage.

It's definitely a talker with a lot of "buts." I would definitely suggest watching the video, they make a lot of good points.

One in particular I thought was very true: It's much easier to neglect your marriage than it is your children. Often times it's just accidental that that happens, but it does.

It really just makes you realize what hard work both are!

Maybe this will make me the hated one, but I'm gonna say motherhood.

With MY marriage (of course everyone has a different experience) we have a lot in common so we always have something to do, and just enough stuff not in common to make things boring. Of course I wish he'd take out the trash without me asking, just once, and stop tracking dirt from his work boots into my bathroom. But those are petty and I fume for a while and remind him and he does it. I watched that Mark Gungor series Laugh Your Way to a Better Marriage and that explained a lot. (if you can get your hands on a copy, DO IT Link)

Being a parent, for me, is full of challenges. With Micah, he is his own person and an adult and responsible for himself. With the kids, I am responsible for molding them into polite, productive members of society. That is A LOT of pressure.

Motherhood, hands down...

I could write a carbon copy of Caryn's response! My relationship with my husband has really been fairly easy, especially now. Of course we've had our disagreements over the years, but I think I can count the number of yelling matches we've had on my fingers. I think that's pretty darn good for 10 years of marriage.

Kids take so much out of you! Physically, mentally, emotionally. And over top of that, you are responsible for molding them into responsible, caring adults. Wow, that's big!

I'm really having to mull this over. In motherhood, the relationship (and therefore, the dynamics) are much more clearly defined ("I am the parent, You are the child", "I say", "Because I said so", "Because that's the way we do it in this family", etc.) As parents, WE (not them) are in charge of the money, time management, delegating chores, making major family decisions (and even minor ones). There is just not the room for negotiation with the little ones as there probably is with your spouse. Plus your newborns (whether biological or adopted) don't come to you with tons of baggage from the past that have to be dealt with.

Whereas, and speaking for myself here, between spouses, there's lots more room for argument as to how time and money are spent, chores to be done, whose role is what in the family, and the unending myriad of negotiating and decisions, both large and small, that have to be made hourly, daily, weekly, monthly and yearly, for yourself, your spouse and your kids. And I don't care who you marry: they come with baggage from the past and you have to deal with it. I just picked one with two ex-wives, so he totes around a lot more bags, LOL!

Plus, the life with kids is fluid, always changing, phasing in, phasing out. Until one day, they move onward and out from the parents. They spousal relationship, in my opinion, is not nearly as fluid (which is not to say it is stagnant) and is (supposed to be) FOREVER!

While all of the above may sound like I am down on both marriage and motherhood, those who know me KNOW that I am not! I adore my husband and my kids and we're even growing our family yet again...so I find both very, very rewarding and the best investment of time, emotion and energy that there is in life. I'm also just very realistic that some days just ain't a walk in the park, right?

I dunno Jam, I think both might be a walk in the park, just sometimes the park has no nice even surfaces, the weather is awful and there are packs of wild animals hot on your trail as you look over the edge of a cliff with crocs below waiting for leftovers.

Michelle: well said! You always have just the right thing to say!

Sarah-this question is a brain teaser

If I had to answer this question in general terms, I would say that parenting is harder as we cannot choose our children. However, we can choose our spouse. We cannot replace our children. We can replace a spouse. We are responsible for our children’s behavior-I do not think we are responsible for our spouse’s behavior? In that sense, parenting is harder to me.

However, parents have a built in something that prevents us from seeing our children’s flaws. I cannot say this is true for spouses-those we tend to see pretty clearly (on bad days) and in that context marriage is harder.


Personally, I find both have challenges that are far outweighed and overshadowed by the rewards.

I agree that they are both so rewarding that it doesn't even matter how hard they are.

That being said, I would have to say motherhood since it is more one-sided. My husband and I take care of each other and life was so much simpler and less demanding when it was just the two of us. The baby's only way of giving back to me right now is just by being his sweet, adorable, near-perfect self, but he can't really help me with anything.

However, I am answering this question on my anniversary and my hubby just brought me an armful of fresh tulips so ask me another day and you may get a different answer LOL!

Oh, Mary, how sweet! And congrats! Blessings to you all!

I would have to say motherhood for many of the reasons already listed. My patience and ability to function without sleep have been tested more than I could have ever imagined. I love my kids more than anything, though, and the rewards are greater than words.

I'll add to my response and say this.

My husband never woke me up every 2 hours to make him a meal....

I would say they walk hand in hand, but it depends on how you look at it. It takes a lot to keep a marriage alive and thriving. It also take a lot for keep children safe and happy.

Though, I think Marriage would be a little more work. Kids are resilant wether or not they are being taking care of. Marriage isn't. Once you've let you marriage slip, it goes down hill and can't always be fixed. Kids can usually be helped.

Marriage is also a LONG TERM commitment just like having kids, but you're not RAISING kids your whole life unlike a marriage which is "supposed" to be your whole life. (This concept isn't all that popular today as it used to. Or is it just me?)

Granted, like other have said you could always get a new spouse, but at what point will that stop (which affects you kids)? Then what are you going to do when the kids are gone from the house and it's just the two of you or just you?

Kids can always go without attention for periods of time because of their OWN lives, but if you don't pay attention to the marriage for periods of time, that's when the trouble begins.

They are both very challanging and both have their rewards.