GainesvilleMoms.com

Have you ever lost a friendship over the bahavior of that friend's children?

I have. A friend had 2 kids that were very rude and disrespectful and one day I told her (after babysitting as a favor) and I lost my friend. Kids who misbehave constantly and are rude are hard to be around and I'm afraid it may happen again. Has this ever happened to you?

Maybe they were disrespectful and rude because she is? I don't want to assume anything, but her behavior seems a bit rude. If someone told me my kids were misbehaving and being disrespectful I would certainly want to know and be glad (albeit a bit embarrassed) that I was told.

I wouldn't worry about losing other friends that way, since I imagine many other mothers wouldn't react the same way. I'm sorry you lost her as a friend

I agree with 3Monkeys. Most parents will want to know if their kids are acting up. Here's the ironic part though...If a child/children are acting up, it's typically because of the parents.

I used to work at a daycare and you wouldn't believe some of the parents. I would say 9 times out of 10 if a child acted up on a regular basis it was due to the parenting. Some parents babied their children and refused to discipline them. Others were too busy or tired to deal with their children. Others just shouldn't have been parents at all.

I'm not saying this is why your friend acted as she did. Without knowing her myself I can't pass judgment.

Thankfully , this has never happened to me. My BFF has a little girl and when we are together she gets scolded the same as my kids when she is bad/rude/bratty and my BFF will scold my kids right along with hers.

Without knowing more, I'd say she wasn't much of a friend if she dumped you like that. Maybe she was just so embarrassed that she didn't want to deal with it.

Here's one for you, not a friend, a complete stranger:
We were at H's school carnival where there was one of those big air slides (like a bouncy house thing). And my kids LOVED it and went on it countless times, one right after the other. But I made them wait in the line each time (sounds fair right?). Well there were 2 older (as in 3rd or 4th grade) kids who were doing the same thing only cutting to the front. The attendant wasn't saying anything, and the parent wasn't around so I told the kids they needed to wait in line like the rest of the little kids. Put off, one of them went away (the other said OK and got to the back of the line) and got her mother who proceeded to give me the stink eye so I went right over to her, explained the situation and that I wasn't parenting her child (but she wasn't there to do it..whatever) and I'm sorry if she was offended. Mom was not very friendly, but she took the stink eye off when she heard the whole story.

Sorry for the off tangent rant People have to start teaching their children that rudeness is not OK or the world will be horrible to live in .

Hasn't happened to me as my child is still in utero but oftentimes when we confront someone with something negative about their children (or themselves) the immediate reaction is defensive. Telling someone that their children are misbehaving is like telling them that they're a bad parent and no one wants to hear that.

Without knowing the whole story, IMO if you approached it in a calm, reasonable manner then your friend doesn't like the idea that her kids aren't perfect which is a reflection on her. So rather than look at it objectively and considering that her kids might need more discipline, which I imagine is hard with your own kids, she's rejecting YOU because it's easier than to admit that her parenting skills may need some tweaking.

If this friendship is valuable to you, give it some time and maybe call her up in a few weeks. Perhaps talking it out will be helpful to both of you.

I agree Caryn...you had to step in since there was no one else caring to do so.

It's hard when you really like your friend but don't enjoy the company of their children.

I just wonder how I'll be as a parent when someone complains about Jack...he's such a happy baby everyone's always telling me how perfect he is and how much they love him. I know he will start testing me soon and I'm trying to remember that people will not always have the highest praise and not to get defensive. I'll do my best.

It's one thing if it comes from a complete stranger. That's just plain embarrassing (thankfully no one has complained about mine...yet) but when it comes from your friend, you know they're not just being irritated by your kids, they actually care and care enough to care how they act. If I were the mom that I confronted at the carnival, I would have took my child out of the situation immediately as punishment for bad behavior and apologized profusely to the offended.

It was the right thing for you to mention the bad behavior. She needs to own that bad behavior and do something about it.

This situation should always be handled carefully with the other person's feelings in mind; I think as fellow mothers we should always give our friends support. There's a line that we all have to be careful not to cross between 'Hey--your kids did some unacceptable things you should know about so you can handle the situation how you as the parent see fit,' and un-constructive criticism.

It is such a fine line. I don't think a true friend would ever dump someone for informing her about something her kids were doing though. I ask for reports all the time about my son (from daycare). I really want to know how he behaves when I'm not there so that I can do something about it. I think most parents would want to know the truth. Plus, if it's a close friend or daycare provider, etc., it's likely that they know your child well and know enough to know if it was really just an off day.

I would word it as very carefully as possible, which I am sure you did. If the mother was upset, she probably was not a great friend to begin with.