There is no way I could stay and let my children think it's ok in her shoes. I think many people think that because they're in the same house - they're going on with "life as normal".. I would bet a paycheck - he's sleeping on the couch (if he's lucky), there aren't to many "sweet" moments between him and them - but to the public - this woman is standing by his side....

I was thinking would a man receive this a type of support if the roles were reversed? Would he be encouraged to leave his wife and kids? Would he be told to keep his family together? What do you think?

Noelle,

I can see how my wording was a bit misleading. I didn't necessarily mean She absolutely HAD to know, but your friend's situation is extremely rare. Most men are not that good at covering up their tracks, especially for that long. There are often signs of infidelity and eventually, most men get caught when they continue on in that behavior.

It just seems that in the political world, some women are willing to put up with a lot (think Hillary Clinton and Monica Lewinsky). While I think it is very possible that this woman was completely taken by surprise, it is also possible she might have known that something was going on. $80,000 is a lot of money to spend. I guess my question is, was it HIS money or the government's money he spent on this other woman? If it was his, well, how could he hide spending that much money? We're talking over $10,000 a year here!

All I really meant by it is that it wouldn't surprise me to find out she was aware (at least somewhat) of his infidelity. But we probably will never know. I've heard that she is a very good woman and after seeing her stand by her man on national television, I have to agree. I would have left him standing alone in the spotlight he created for himself.

quote:

Originally posted by Noelle:
I don't know about the "the wife had to know!" I have a friend who was married to a very Godly man she thought for 8-9 years - with 3 kids (one who passed away as a premie) and she didn't have a CLUE until after she came home from the ultrasound from their 4th child that he has been having affairs THE WHOLE TIME THEY WERE MARRIED.

This message has been edited. Last edited by: Suzy Richardson,

I think if the roles were reversed, the man would be completely justified in leaving his wife. He too has the responsibility to teach his children that infidelity (esp. 6 years and $80,000 worth of infidelity) is absolutely unnaceptable. He shouldn't want for his daughters to grow up with the same behaviors, nor should he want his sons to think they should just take it. Besides, he can get diseases too. Why should he expose himself to such dangers?

Seriously, just knowing that it went on for six years! It makes me wonder..hmm, how long would this have gone on for had he not been caught? And I think I know the answer. It took someone else to catch him. And I do think that if the roles were reversed that the man would be told to leave. In fact, I think that women are expected to "stand by their men" more than men are expected to "stand by their women." I mean, who ever heard that phrase before?

And hotmomma, I LOVE what you said about leaving him in the spotlight he created for himself.

I understand why she would not have missed the money. Their family is worth $500 million and it was from an account he had.

Hotmomma,
I hope you didn't feel as if I was being harsh with my comments - it was just an example of someone I knew first hand who was in a very similiar position and clueless. I agree though - I probably would haven't believed she didn't have a clue if I didn't know my friend. I'm wondering if HE did all the finances in the home - you know how some men need to be in charge of the financial stuff. If that was the case - and even if they were worth $500 million - she wouldn't have had a clue that it was gone. $80,000 is like $8.00 to most of us!!! Good point on the wonderinf if it was his money or the governments money!!!! Never thought of that!!!

All I know is that it makes me sick that he stole so much from his wife and daughters..

they have proven the money he paid to the escort service was his money. they are now investigating if he used state transportation and if state security was involved. if that is the case then yes he was using state funds in a round about way.

i really believe she is just in shock right now. remember the governor of new jersey? his wife stood beside him when he admitted his affair and came out of the closet. she was totally in shock. she has since left and filed for divorce. they are still in court trying to determine custody of their daughter. she has stated that she did what she felt would be best at the time.

all i can hope and pray is that i never find myself in their shoes.

Noelle,

No, I didn't think your post was harsh. I think it is great to have discussions like this. It makes them interesting, and you had a good point. It helps us to think about the situation from every aspect. I can't imagine how hard that must have been for your friend. My husband travels on business himself, and being that I'm pregnant and am married to a man who loves the Lord, thinking about what your friend went through hit hard! I don't know how I could come out of something like that without feeling completely destroyed. She must be a very strong woman!

Oh, and I suppose with that kind of money, it would be easy to never notice the $80,000 spent elsewhere! Wow. It just goes to show that having that kind of money doesn't necessarily buy happiness! I'll gladly trade the $80,000 for $8.00 if I NEVER have to deal with a situation like this!

I agree with you too, Softballmom. It would be an aweful situation to be in, especially because it's made headline news. I think this woman and her family could use our prayers during this time in her life!

This message has been edited. Last edited by: hotmommahas4kids@aol.com,

A situation like this does put things in perspective for me. We are often struggling to make ends meet and it is really to look at someone's life and wish you had everything they do. How many women were probably completely envious of the lifestyle that Spitzer's wife was living.

But when it comes down to it, I'd rather not know where the money was coming from to pay a bill, than not know where my husband was at night. Yes, I'd rather have the $8 than the $80,000 if that meant peace of mind.

I have seen both sides of this one.

My ex's parents stayed together and it was rough on the kids, big time.

My mom eventually 'ran'. Now I look back and it worked well for us and her, and we are stronger. Our situation was to never look back.

The best situation would be the one in that movie with Robin Williams 'Mrs. Doubtfire' (sp.?)... at the end he is on his new talk show dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire and gets a letter from a kid about his parents splitting up and says that sometimes they don't get along and decide to live separately to be better mommies and daddies but there is always love especially for the kids.

So I would say run, but for the kids, not too far