GainesvilleMoms.com

What do you do when your childs father is to worried about lving with his mom rather then taking care of his family?

Everyone is different but with my husband the problem I had is when he was at his moms she would put him to work and we would not get to do anything we planned. She lives in Orlando and she would not do any house work and save it all for my husband.

I told him that I am tried of coming to Orlando to do your moms house work so we either stop going or you tell your mom that we are not here to only do her housework. He did after much nagging and things died down there.

After our daughter we had a whole new set of problems with her. She came here every weekend to take care of the baby because she believed we were uncapable and my husband would call her all the time telling her to come.

I told my husband I love his mom and it is time that our family have our own space. We need to bond as a family then extended family. The three of us are now a family and she is extended. It was rough but I convinced my husband and now things are a bit better for everyone.


I am not sure what will work for you but that is how thing worked out with us.

Thanks for your help. I am honestly about to give up on him. The problem is we were together for almost 5 years and for those 5 years i lived with him and his mom. I begged and pleaded with him for those 5 years to lets get a place of our own and start a family. Well we started a family and i moved back home with my mom and dad (because there were more problems other than not having our own place) and he is still living with his mom 13 months later. When I left him I told him he was making the biggest mistake of his life by letting me walk out of his life 6 months pregnant with his son. He let me walk away. I had been holding out hope for 13 months now because we have been on and off again. But as far as Im concerned were done. Im tired of waiting. Anyways thanks again for the comment- and Im glad to hear everything worked out for you and your family

Is there some reason your significant other doesn't want to leave his mom's place? Is she sick, or he feel like she needs his help around the house? Maybe suggest getting your own place, but in a nearby location, where he can go help her if she needs it.

It doesn't sound like that may be the situation though, so that may not help.

Maybe finding a place near by might work.

gatorette85 I am soooo sorry you are going through this. I know how hard it can be when the person you love the most does not make you his number one. My husband was my boyfriend for 5 years and his mom did not approve to say it mildly. My name was not even allowed to be spoken and horrific things were said about me. I could not go to family functions and he never stood up for me because he hates confrontation. I finally moved to Georgia and he got a huge wake-up call. He never confronted like I had hoped but his actions, making me his wife and starting a family turned his mom around and now, believe it or not, we are best friends. I don't know what I would do without her in my life and in my baby's life. I pray that same restoration for you and I pray your baby's father has his eyes opened...soon before he misses out on too much.

I know how difficult this situation can be, and I am so sorry you are having to face it.

My husband and I dated for five years in high school before getting married, and there was also a conflict between his mom, him and me. I think his mom felt I was stepping on her territory, like she wasn't going to be the only "women" in his life now. She would get upset that he always wanted to talk to me, spend time with me, etc.

Like your husband, he REALLY avoided conflict and would just go along with whatever she said.

Things really got bad when the talk of marriage began. She was very unsupportive, but my husband finally started to understand he had to take a better look at his priorities. He didn't even tell her he propsed. (She found out through the grapevine, which is very sad she missed out on such a happy occasion in her son's life.) Once she realized it was going to happen whether she liked it or not, then she wanted to be SUPER involved in wedding plans, which ment she wanted it to go her way. (Because she couldn't invite everyone she wanted to the reception, she hosted her own little "reception" that night. We agreed to it just to ease some of the conflict - hey more presents, right? )

Things are OK now, as she has come to accept me into the family, but I don't know that we will ever be close, which is too bad because I think it would be really neat to be close your mother-in-law.

My only advice to is you can't and you shouldn't have to be in constant competition with your boyfriends/husbands mother. You don't deserve to be put on the back burner. I hope things can work out between you and your child's father, and I'll pray he can come to understand his priorities. (I don't know if religion is a part of your lives, but there are some great scriptires in the Bible about how a man needs to seperate from his mother and make his wife/child the priorities.)

I'm so sorry to hear about your situation. It's a sad display when a male won't act like a man, especially in light of you having his child. If that wasn't a call to step up, I don't know what is.

It sounds like you've tried as hard as you can. I would encourage you to focus on yourself and keep taking care of your wonderful child. Don't let a weak man drag your life down any more than necessary!

The only reason he can give me is that he cant afford it. I have asked him for 5 years to lets move out and get a place of our own but he wont do it. The day that left him, I told him he was making the biggest mistake of his life by letting me walk out and 6 months pregnant with his son and his exact words to me was "im not leaving my mom" so I have come to terms with i cant compete with that. Thanks for your help!

Marie

he is definitely a mama's boy. she has something over him to manipulate him to the point that you and his son don't matter...either that she surely didn't reaise him to be a man to step up to the plate.

Everyone here is right, move on! You will find someone who will love and respect you and your son for who yo are and not what others want u to be. You deserve better than that ex! much better. Move on to someone who will treat you with dignity, trust, love and respect.

Loved your post, Nate.

I agree on how very important it is to work on oneself so we don't repeat our mistakes. We tend to pick the same type of people until we break the cycle and find out why we do what we do.

Best of luck to the mom-to-be. She's in a very difficult situation, but she can't make him want to leave his mother or want to be a committed husband and father.

Everyone here has given good advice: I love that Nate chimed in with a man's point of view on another "man".

The only thing I would add is that if you were to thrown down an ultimatum, like Mary did with moving away, you really need to be prepared to follow through with it. You can't make a stance and then cave it. Easier said than done, especially with a child involved. But that's sort of the point: there is now a child involved, and if he's not going to be a real father, you need to really step up and do double-duty as the mother, keeping the child's best interests first and foremost.

Good luck and God bless.

That is true and whatever you do, do it for yourself and your son...not just to get the guy because you will be disappointed.

Oh Gatorette,

I find it incredibly unfair that sometimes you just cannot choose who you love. I understand how after 13 months, you must be on your wit's end. The good news is that you are a mother and an adult, and you have the power to steer your life in the direction YOU want. If your significant decides that he would rather please someone other than the mother of his child, then let that be his prerogative. In time, and especially after you have moved on with yourself, he may realize many things about the situation. I would not look at it so much as giving him an "ultimatum" but as moving on with your life. Let's face it, you have yourself and your child to take care of. Openly giving people an ultimatum might work, but usually it's more of a let-down because it does not always get the proper response. Pulling a stunt like moving away or threatening to find/love someone else can leave the other person feeling angry or controlled. Even if they give in to your needs, in the long run they may end up feeling that they were "forced" to choose your way and therefore harbor resentment towards you. Yep, I think that your best bet is to move on in peace and make your and your baby's life the best it can possibly be. Perhaps over time he will wake up and see what you have made for yourself, and realize what a fool he's been.

Either way, be strong and be happy, you have so much of life to explore and learn about!!! Good luck!